Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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