I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
