On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize