oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
