We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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