I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
