the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
