Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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