yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
