Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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