My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
