Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
