I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
