the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
