On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize