I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
