Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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