don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
