Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
