There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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