it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize