Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
