May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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