What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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