I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
