even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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