Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
