Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
