Your mouth is God's brothel.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
