Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize