I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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