My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
