So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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