You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize