Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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