3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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