I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
