Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
