drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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