btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
