Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize