The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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