I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
