I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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