C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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