32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Mom said you looked used
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
