Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
