I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
