it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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