I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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