yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
