im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
