A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
