WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
