At least make sure they are 18
Why
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
