well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
