Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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