Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
