At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
