I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
