Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize