Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
