it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
