I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
