whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
