halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
