you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
