Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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