you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
