white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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