we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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