a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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