It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize