Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I looked at my own cervix.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
