you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its not stalking. its research.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
