so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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