I looked at my own cervix.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize