I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
