i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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