I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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