I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
