You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
