the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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