Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
