it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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