He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
