We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
