He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
