So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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