I wannas sexs uuuuu
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
