My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize