I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
