hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
