Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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