Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize